His Butler, Typical
by Shiro v2
Summary: A mysterious kidnapping, a shady businessman, and a trip to America... Young master, what have you gotten yourself into?
1. Chapter 1

**His Butler, Typical**  
><em>A mysterious kidnapping, a shady businessman, and a trip to America… Young master, what have you gotten yourself into?<em>

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><p>"Oh, they're back!"<p>

"Sebastian!"

"Young master!"

The three servants ran to meet the black carriage pulling up to the manor.

"Sebastian, it's terrible!" MeyRin was unusually flustered, her face wet with tears. "While you and the young master were gone, someone- they- please don't be mad!"

"W-We're sorry!" Finnian bawled.

Bard stood back, looking embarrassed.

Sebastian stepped down from his seat above the horses. "I see that the grounds are in complete disarray. Did something happen while the young master was away?" He turned from the servants to open Ciel's door. The young Earl stepped out onto the drive.

"What happened?" Ciel demanded, glancing at the burnt grass and trees surrounding the mansion.

"Oh, that was Pluto," said Finny, fidgeting. "He found a cat and wanted to chase it. And because he was busy chasing the cat, he wasn't able to…"

"We were busy too!" MeyRin said quickly. "I was going to clean the young master's office, but Bard and I- well, perhaps you should come see for yourself."

Sebastian inclined his head in agreement. "This way, my lord. Finny, please begin replanting the garden. You can start with the roses by the main hall. MeyRin, show us what has happened."

...

"Someone must have broken the window." Ciel walked over to his desk, stepping gingerly over the pieces of glass on the floor.

Bard nodded. "He certainly did. I was just about to come in and see if MeyRin needed any help. I heard a loud crash and thought she'd broken something, but instead there was this weird guy standing in the young master's office. He'd turned the desk completely inside out looking for something." Bard kicked at some scattered papers with the toe of his boot. "Apparently he found it, because he ran back to the window with a folder of some sort. He used the big ladder to get up here. We were using it earlier to wash the windows." Bard rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess we should have put it away when we were done instead of leaving it out like that."

"You say it was a man. Did you see his face?" Ciel asked.

"I don't think so," Bard said.

"He might have had brown hair," MeyRin said slowly. "I'd know him if I saw him. We're so sorry, young master, this shouldn't have happened while you were away!"

Ciel sighed exasperatedly. "Never mind that. Sebastian, find out what's missing. And I want tea." He sat behind the desk.

"Maybe I can help with tea," Bard said hopefully.

Before anyone could respond, there was a loud noise from the grounds. Bard and MeyRin ran to the window.

"Pluto, no!" Finny shouted. He was clinging to the demon dog's collar, his feet leaving two deep gashes in the dirt. Pluto ignored him, completely focused on the small black shape running away from him. He blew a stream of fire at it, setting the remaining grass ablaze.

"It's that cat!" Bard said, breaking away from the window. "Come on, let's—"

"Sebastian, take care of that thing," Ciel said.

Sebastian bowed and left the room. Outside, Finny was dragged out of the servants' sight.

Ciel picked up one of the few papers still on his desk, glanced at it, and set it aside. The room grew quiet.

Bard and MeyRin suddenly became very aware of the fact that the young master was staring at them.

"Er, come on, MeyRin, maybe we should go," Bard said, prodding her toward the door.

"We've got work to do, yes!" MeyRin agreed hastily.

The two servants slipped out and Ciel was left alone. _What could that man have wanted?_ He picked up another sheaf of papers- old Funtom shipping records. Suddenly he noticed something odd. The date was several months old. He grabbed the rest of the file and shuffled through it. The most recent records were gone.

In another part of the house, Bard was busy trying to prepare tea. "Erm… Sebastian was planning some sort of 'Black Forest gateau,'" he muttered. "I guess he hasn't gotten around to making it yet." He glanced around the empty kitchen, then smacked the counter with his hand. "Wait, what am I standing around here for? I'm the chef, after all! I should be able to make some sort of Forest thing. Here's the recipe." He grabbed a card off the counter and started to read ingredients. "Let's see. I'll need six eggs… a cup of sugar… some vanilla… half a cup of flour and half a cup of cocoa powder… and some butter. Melted butter." He glanced at the stove. "Um, I really don't want to spend time melting it. Oh! I know." He ducked beneath the counter and emerged holding his trusty flamethrower. "This should do the trick."

MeyRin, passing by the kitchen, heard a small _whoof_ and the crackling of flames. The smell of burnt sugar filled the air. "Bard, what did you do?" she cried. Her armload of dinnerware crashed to the floor and she stumbled through the doorway, falling rather ungracefully at Bard's feet.

Surprisingly, the kitchen was intact.

"You all right, MeyRin?" Bard asked, helping her to her feet. "It's fine, I was just melting some butter. See?" He pointed to the slightly scorched counter. Bard had, in fact, melted the butter, but he had also managed to burn the sugar and fry the eggs.

"Oh. It's just— I thought I heard— "

"Come on, MeyRin, I can cook too, y'know," Bard grumbled. "Just because I burn things sometimes doesn't mean I can't do anything right."

"Yes, well done, but I'll take over from here," Sebastian said from the doorway. He smiled. The two servants broke apart nervously.

"Oh no! S-Sebastian! I dropped the china again! I'm so sorry!" MeyRin grabbed a broom from the corner, blushing bright red, and began to sweep up the broken dishes.

"I suppose I'll have to order a new set," Sebastian said. He removed his tailcoat and measured the un-burnt sugar into a bowl.

Bard twisted his hands together. "Um, Sebastian, if there's anything you want me to do… you know…"

"Please butter the cake pans before the batter is poured in," Sebastian said. "…The butter does not need to be melted."

"I was afraid of that," Bard grumbled, grabbing a pan and a new pat of butter.

A light breeze ruffled the remaining trees on the grounds. Finally finished with Pluto, Finny was continuing to replant the spaces that had been scorched by Pluto's breath. He reached for another handful of soil, but was distracted by a small yellow bird that had hopped onto the wall nearby.

"You're so cute!" Finny exclaimed.

The bird chirped and ruffled its feathers.

Finny propped his elbows on his knees. "I'm so glad you're here. I haven't seen many birds recently. Pluto must be scaring them all off."

The bird cocked its head at him.

"Haha, but you're not scared of Pluto, are you?" Finny said. He gave the bird a big smile. "He's really not a bad dog, you know." He opened his eyes. "Hey—where did you go, little birdy?"

The bird had ruffled its feathers and flown away. In its place was a hastily folded sheet of paper, which shifted a little in the breeze.

"Got you!" Finny said, pouncing on the paper before it could blow away. "Er. Earl… Earl Phantomhive? Why did you have a note for the young master, little bird?"

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><p><em>Reviews and suggestions are always welcome!<em>


	2. Chapter 2

**His Butler, Typical**  
>—<em>x—Two<em>

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><p>"Young master."<p>

Sebastian slid the door open and entered Ciel's office, balancing the tea service in one hand. "I apologize for the delay. Today's tea is Keemun black, served with Black Forest gateau." He set a cup in front of Ciel and sliced the cake. "Incidentally, I also have a letter from the Queen and a note which Finny found on the grounds."

"A note?" said Ciel. "Who is it from?"

"I was told that a bird delivered it," Sebastian said.

Ciel made a face, though whether due to the note or the flavour of the tea it was unclear. "Fine. What does the Queen want?"

"It appears that another killer is making his rounds, this time targeting young girls. Scotland yard is having difficulty making headway, and Her Majesty requests that you look into the matter immediately. Here is the letter." Sebastian dropped the two papers onto Ciel's desk and folded the tray under his arm. "A messenger also arrived from the Viscount of Druitt, Lord Chambers. He would like to thank you for attending his 'little gathering' this morning, and has also invited you to attend a dinner party next week."

"Tell him I'm busy," Ciel muttered, staring at the Queen's letter.

"Young master, it is your duty as a noble to attend these social events," Sebastian said mildly. "This is the first time you've appeared in the public eye for almost a month. I'm sure people have started to wonder what you spend your time doing."

"How I spend my time is my business," Ciel said, tossing the letter down. "I'm busy with Funtom business and cases like this." He pointed to the letter with the butt of his fork. "Here. 'The girls' bodies were all found in similar locations, and they all have the same eye and hair color.' Obviously, our killer has a specific target, but doesn't know exactly what she looks like or where to find her." He set his fork down. "I don't want the rest of this."

"Of course." Sebastian placed the uneaten cake with the rest of the tea service and picked it up. "Will that be all, young master?"

"No," Ciel said. He laced his fingers together. "The South Asia shipping records are missing."

Sebastian was silent.

"I want to visit Lau. He might know whether anyone has recently taken an interest in the Funtom Company."

Sebastian nodded. "I will prepare the carriage right away."

Ciel waited until Sebastian had closed the door before picking up the smaller note. He glanced at the seal, but it was unfamiliar to him. Unfolding it, he was quiet for several moments as he read. His eyes widened. Suddenly he stood, slamming the note to the desk as he did so.

"Sebastian! I order you to come here now!"

…

The carriage rattled along the dusky streets, which began to slowly empty as the sun set behind sullen clouds. Lamplighters appeared at long intervals between the houses, feeble lights blossoming above them as the night began to fall in earnest. By their dim glow the pedestrian scene changed from evening partygoers to the darker, shadier figures of the underworld. Ciel's world. A ragged drunk stumbled into an alleyway. Nearby, a woman in a low-cut dress ushered a young man through her warped wooden door. She kicked some straw out of the entrance before closing it with a sly wink to the world at large. Another man passed her, carrying a wire brush on a long pole. His face was blackened, his clothing covered in soot. He paused to spit into the alley before continuing on his way home.

"I'm glad that the young master cares so deeply for his fiancé," Sebastian said, rocking back and forth with the motion of the carriage.

Ciel glanced at him with an irritated expression. "It's not that. If anything were to happen to Lizzie, the Marchioness would have my eye out." He glared out the window.

Sebastian watched him carefully for a few moments more, then turned away.

The carriage pulled up at a building that was relatively uniform, disregarding the fact that there was a large and rather garish skull hanging over the door. Sebastian paused.

"We'll visit Lau afterwards," Ciel said, swinging his door open. "This is important too."

The inside of the shop was dimly lit in comparison to the gas lamps outside. Ciel waited a few moments, allowing his uncovered eye to adjust. He jumped at the sound of a squeaking hinge.

"_Ehehehehe_. What an unusual time of day to be visiting, my young earl." The Undertaker closed the lid of his coffin and sat on it, peering at his guests. "Are you finally here for a special appointment?"

Ciel scowled. "No. I need some information." It was really hard to see in the near darkness. He blinked several times, which didn't help, and stumbled into something hard at knee height.

"Ahh," Undertaker said. He grinned. "As I recall, that odd reaper was here today too. He gave me quite the payment." His grin grew wider. "Your butler paid me last time you were here. Perhaps this time the young earl could—"

"Absolutely not!" Ciel spluttered. His face turned red. "Sebastian, give him what he wants."

Sebastian placed one hand on his chest and bowed. "I believe it would be most effective if the young master were to wait outside."

Ciel closed the door, glancing up at the sky. The clouds had vacated the horizon and now completely obscured the stars. A drop of water grazed Ciel's cheek, and he reached up reflexively to wipe it away.

Then another drop fell.

And another.

Thankfully, the Undertaker chose that moment to emit a loud, sign-shaking yelp of amusement.

Ciel ducked into the mortuary, ignoring the raucous laughter, and tripped over another coffin. "Ouch," he muttered, stumbling backwards into Sebastian's steadying hands. He shook himself free and straightened up. "Undertaker. Have any of your recent guests shared any similarities?"

"_Ehehehe_," Undertaker gasped, wiping tears from beneath his bangs. "Always a step ahead of me, young earl. _Ehe._" Settling himself on top of the coffin, he tapped his chin with a long black nail. "I've had a very odd series of patients in the past few days. Most of them are young girls from the upper classes, light-haired with large eyes. Of course, their manners of death are also very similar. Most of them have had their throats cut- sloppily, too. They've lost so much blood that it takes a bit of work to make them look their best." Undertaker grinned. "'Course, I never mind a bit of work."

"Of course not," Ciel muttered. Louder, he said, "I haven't found any patterns in the killings."

The lamp outside flickered, and the Undertaker's smile faded. "Well, of course there are no patterns. The killer is looking for someone specific. Personally, I hope he finds her soon. She'll certainly need fixing up. _Ehe_." Undertaker hugged himself and grinned, practically salivating at the thought.

Ciel frowned.

"Thank you for your time," Sebastian said, ushering Ciel out into the rain. "We'll be sure to return if we need any further information."

"My doors are always open to _you_, my dear butler. _Ehehehehee!_"

Sebastian held the carriage door open for Ciel, sheltering him from the driving rain. "Where now, young master?"

Ciel coughed. His head hurt, and he was fairly certain the rain was making his nose run. "Home. Lau can wait."

"As you wish."

The young earl and his servant were silent as the carriage pulled away from the Undertaker's shop. Ciel sniffed and blew his nose on a handkerchief.

His nose was still running as he undressed for bed.

Sebastian held out a nightshirt for Ciel to slip his arms into, and then buttoned it for him. He placed Ciel's ring on the nightstand next to a neatly coiled eye patch, then folded the covers back and allowed Ciel to slide under them. He smoothed the covers back into place, and then paused. "About tomorrow, young master…"

Ciel was already asleep.

Sebastian allowed himself a small smile. "Still such a child," he whispered.

Picking up the candle holder, he quietly let himself out of Ciel's room.

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><p><em>Whenever I write Undertaker, derpy Soul Eater music plays in my head. It's somehow perfect for him.<em>

_Reviews and suggestions are always welcome!_


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